I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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