I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
