wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
