Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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