CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
