mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
