My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
