Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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