No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Come share oat with me in your robe
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
