counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
