yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
