He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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