I hate all girls vehemently.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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