can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
