Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We don't watch enough power rangers
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
