Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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