proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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