I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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