Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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