the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
