when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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