Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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