i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
