I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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