Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
