Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
