I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
