Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
