When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
