I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
