We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
