I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
