I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
