yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
