I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
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I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
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Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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