I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
