yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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