You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
