I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
