She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
