WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
