He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
