its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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