We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
