Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
