I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
