what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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