its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
