did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
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just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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