My cat gives me a boner
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
