We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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