I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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