I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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