I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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