im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
