1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
