I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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