now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
