i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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