I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
