I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
