am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
