bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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